Hmmmm....

Why is it that when I finally feel like I'm reaching a good place and positive mental state (as I have been feeling lately), that I suddenly find myself taking two steps back in the wrong direction?

Is it too much to ask that I find peace, solitude, and happiness within myself without feeling like I need someone else to fill that "empty void" and make me feel whole, happy, and wanted? It absolutely pisses me off to no end that as strong and independent as I am, I still have times that I feel so lonely and unfulfilled, like I'm constantly looking for something. Looking for something or someone that will make me happy, when in reality, happiness doesn't stem from another person or thing but rather from within yourself. I know this, I preach it, I say I live by it, but it doesn't matter because I can talk about it all day and there will still be those once-in-awhile occurrences that humble me, bring me right back down to earth, slap me in the face and say "who the fuck are you kidding? You need someone around to make you happy!"

I strongly believe that humans aren't meant to be monogamous, yet we continually force ourselves into it, with only 21% of committed relationships actually working out. How fucking depressing. It makes me feel hopeless and bitter, yet, happy that I'm spending the "prime" of my life on my own, learning more about myself everyday, growing without any reservation or constriction inflicted on me by another person, no judgment, nothing.

There are some people (a lot of my friends included) that can't be alone or stick around in unhealthy/dead-end relationships because of fear. I want to be stronger than that fear, because everyone has been there. I don't want to just "fall in love" to fall in love, just because I need someone to reinforce what a catch I am in every single minute of self-doubt that comes along.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is how is it possible to maintain self-confidence and the pride of knowing you're a strong enough person to be completely on your own, if there are a these moments of weakness, self-doubt, and loneliness? How is it possible to be on your own, growing, learning and evolving, without feeling those things from time to time?