Daily little struggles. Sometimes you just have off days and today was one of those for me. For several reasons, not all of which I can even pin point, I just felt kind of bad all day. Unmotivated, uninspired, and also a little sad. Not to throw myself a pity party or anything because to be honest I really felt like writing to see what my fingertips transcribed from my brain to see if I could piece together what was making me feel so crappy. Granted I know a few things that are definitely contributing to my weird mood, but I'd like to know why I felt the way I did today.
There are days that I miss things. I miss how things used to be in many different aspects. I try to remind myself of all the great and awesome things I have going on in my life right now, but it's still hard to block the sad thoughts out. I've been making a conscious effort to take on a few new projects to allow me some type of creative outlet and relief from the pressure of work and real life that suffocates me at times.
I feel like I've finally started getting back to a more positive place again, I truly do. But there are still some times that the weight of the past year and all the changes my life has undergone, becomes excruciatingly present.
On the other hand, I feel like I often allow the feelings I've had over the last year to become a scapegoat for me. I really wish I was better at living in the present and not the past and future. It's something I've always struggled with, and rarely make the effort to work on.
Sometimes when you face the reality of a situation, it can hurt worse than living miserably with the lie. I feel like my life in the last year has been a slap in the face from reality. The reality of making grown up decisions about my life and knowing the right decision isn't always the easiest one to make.
This has been a little all over the place, (thanks ADD), but I needed to get some of the bad feeling I've had all day off my shoulders. I hope tomorrow's gonna be a little better.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thoughts on a lazy Saturday...
I've been thinking a lot about the connections we have with other people. The complexity of it all truly amazes me sometimes. Obviously, with over 6 billion people in the world the dynamic of each individual relationship will inevitably differ depending on the two people involved. To clarify, I'm not necessarily speaking in romantic terms, just in general. Relationships with family members, those with friends, and of course romantic relationships as well. It's crazy how each relationship can have an affect on the person you are.
There are some times when you randomly meet someone and they instantly make an impression on you. And for some unexplainable reason, you both feel the connection and immediately feel good just by being in the presence of one another. There are people who intrigue you from the moment you meet them, those that you feel that immediate connection with. There are people who become good friends whom you feel you can trust your life with, these are the people you treasure more over time. There are people who seem to be good friends but subconsciously you always keep at a certain distance because for some reason you can't quite put your finger on, you know it's not good to let them in. There are people, despite a long history and friendship with, time and life get in the way and one day you wake up to realize they are no longer significant in your life or you in theirs.
I've been extremely hurt by several people in my life, which can be attributed to the simple fact that I usually find myself very emotionally-involved in any relationship, specifically a close one. I trust those people with everything I have and when something happens to damage that, I take it very personal. Why didn't I mean as much to them as I thought? How could they disregard me so quickly? What could I have done differently? But as I've gotten older, and I reflect back on lost friends and damaged relationships, I also remember there's a reason that person was brought in to my life at the time they were. Although I may still not know the purpose they had in my life (and I may never know it) I know there was a reason.
Reflecting back also makes me excited to see what the future brings. Who will I meet? Why will I meet them? Have I already met someone who I don't realize will become a major player in my life? Which people I meet will wind up being an inspiration? Or someone who will open a door to new experiences? Who will affect my life in such ways that it will change the person I am?
My thought process is extremely intense, and way too analytical at times. That's why I suppose I've always liked writing so much. It's nice to have an outlet to sort out the clutter inside my head. It's also nice knowing no one, no matter what relationship I share with them, can take that away from me. :)
There are some times when you randomly meet someone and they instantly make an impression on you. And for some unexplainable reason, you both feel the connection and immediately feel good just by being in the presence of one another. There are people who intrigue you from the moment you meet them, those that you feel that immediate connection with. There are people who become good friends whom you feel you can trust your life with, these are the people you treasure more over time. There are people who seem to be good friends but subconsciously you always keep at a certain distance because for some reason you can't quite put your finger on, you know it's not good to let them in. There are people, despite a long history and friendship with, time and life get in the way and one day you wake up to realize they are no longer significant in your life or you in theirs.
I've been extremely hurt by several people in my life, which can be attributed to the simple fact that I usually find myself very emotionally-involved in any relationship, specifically a close one. I trust those people with everything I have and when something happens to damage that, I take it very personal. Why didn't I mean as much to them as I thought? How could they disregard me so quickly? What could I have done differently? But as I've gotten older, and I reflect back on lost friends and damaged relationships, I also remember there's a reason that person was brought in to my life at the time they were. Although I may still not know the purpose they had in my life (and I may never know it) I know there was a reason.
Reflecting back also makes me excited to see what the future brings. Who will I meet? Why will I meet them? Have I already met someone who I don't realize will become a major player in my life? Which people I meet will wind up being an inspiration? Or someone who will open a door to new experiences? Who will affect my life in such ways that it will change the person I am?
My thought process is extremely intense, and way too analytical at times. That's why I suppose I've always liked writing so much. It's nice to have an outlet to sort out the clutter inside my head. It's also nice knowing no one, no matter what relationship I share with them, can take that away from me. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
