.....

Daily little struggles. Sometimes you just have off days and today was one of those for me. For several reasons, not all of which I can even pin point, I just felt kind of bad all day. Unmotivated, uninspired, and also a little sad. Not to throw myself a pity party or anything because to be honest I really felt like writing to see what my fingertips transcribed from my brain to see if I could piece together what was making me feel so crappy. Granted I know a few things that are definitely contributing to my weird mood, but I'd like to know why I felt the way I did today.

There are days that I miss things. I miss how things used to be in many different aspects. I try to remind myself of all the great and awesome things I have going on in my life right now, but it's still hard to block the sad thoughts out. I've been making a conscious effort to take on a few new projects to allow me some type of creative outlet and relief from the pressure of work and real life that suffocates me at times.

I feel like I've finally started getting back to a more positive place again, I truly do. But there are still some times that the weight of the past year and all the changes my life has undergone, becomes excruciatingly present.

On the other hand, I feel like I often allow the feelings I've had over the last year to become a scapegoat for me. I really wish I was better at living in the present and not the past and future. It's something I've always struggled with, and rarely make the effort to work on.

Sometimes when you face the reality of a situation, it can hurt worse than living miserably with the lie. I feel like my life in the last year has been a slap in the face from reality. The reality of making grown up decisions about my life and knowing the right decision isn't always the easiest one to make.

This has been a little all over the place, (thanks ADD), but I needed to get some of the bad feeling I've had all day off my shoulders. I hope tomorrow's gonna be a little better.